she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
