What did we do last night that was yellow?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
