i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
