I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
