mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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