my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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