Me too!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well you can't waste a boner
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
