I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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