He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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