i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
