Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
