I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
