...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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