Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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