The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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