hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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