How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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