I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
