Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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