So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
