I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
