btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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