Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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