Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
