She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize