My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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