Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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