I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
