I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Vodka?
Forever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
