just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
