This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
