I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
