Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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