Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
