Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
