real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
