Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Drake has all the answers
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My feet surprised me
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