its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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