dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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