maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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