I cut my penus on the lid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
