I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
