his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
