woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
