Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
