i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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