I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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