She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
