you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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