I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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