"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize