My hair reeks of homosexuality.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
