She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
