i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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