names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
