the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Actions speak louder than pants.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
