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worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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