so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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