Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
