I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
