Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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