there's paper in my vomit.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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