Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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