hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
