My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
