My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
