Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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