She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
