HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
