At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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