If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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