Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
