You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
