you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh god it's open bar.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize