Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
