Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
