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you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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