my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There r osticjed everywhere
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
