look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
