I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
