i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
