she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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