Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hippo gnu deer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
