I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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