yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
