Please, let me fuck your mom
Come see our sink grown plant.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We don't watch enough power rangers
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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