So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
