You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
