it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
