Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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