Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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