i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
