i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
