i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i drank out of a bidet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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