I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
